He Defiled Our Bed, Left Me With Two Children And A Broken Rib. This Is Ruth's Story and Her Advice To Women.

Well, they say that everybody has a story. That's true and other stories leave you with a pinch in your spirit, like Ruth's story. I have heard so many stories of abuse in relationships and how many women tend to choose to have a blind eye in the situation. A few would speak up and the hope of making a difference in the society.

Ruth's story can not probably be compared to yours (in case you, who is reading this is going through something worse), but to Ruth, it was the worst situation that she had to face. Well, African Super Women met up with her and she agreed to share her story, with the hope of helping or encouraging another woman going through what she went through. And she also offered some advice to all women.

MY STORY; RUTH

I was born in Lusaka, Zambia in 1980. I always lived in Lusaka with my family till in 2001 when I got married and moved to Mazabuka (a town in Southern Zambia). After a year in marriage, I gave birth to my daughter who is now 13 years old and she is in her eighth grade. In Mazabuka, we were a very happy family, my husband was an elder at church and all was well. He got a job as a taxi driver right there in Mazabuka and that's when I started seeing changes in his behaviour. I wouldn't understand why the change just after getting the job, but I later discovered that he was having an affair.

He changed and he was not the man I had married, the father to my daughter. He had become a monster! He would come bitter and upset all the time and his emotions would get hold of him and he would beat me for no appropriate reasons. I had no saw in my own home, because he would use anything I say against me. Sometimes, his girlfriend would call me just to insult me and tell me to leave. I stayed in my marriage with the hope of him changing. And when my daughter was 7 years old, I conceived again and I gave birth to another daughter. I thought that maybe my husband will change after having my second born, but he became worse. The beatings became worse to an extent of breaking one of my ribs. The abuse continued and nobody was there to help me. As traditionally taught, that we are not to leave our matrimonial home till our husband packs the bags for us and chases us himself, we are to stay in the house. And I followed that till I couldn't stay any longer, I packed my bags, got my kids and I left. (we had come back to Lusaka and he got a job as a bus driver at a time).

His relatives I used to keep turned against me, nobody wanted to help me. Before I left the house, I had saved a bit of money from the business I started doing., I was selling second hand shoes. I found myself a two roomed house in Kanyama and I started going to church. The house was in a bad condition but it was all I could afford. My husband never bothered to look for me. I later found out that he had many girlfriends and he had even moved in with on of the women. There are so many things that happened to me while I was with him but I cant share them all.

Getting myself this River Island bag on her stand ;-)

With God's grace, I continued praying and taking care of my kids. My business grew and I started selling second handbags with notable labels like next, new look, river island and others. Life has improved and my children are now in school. Last year, God answered my prayers and he brought a wonderful man in my life. I got married to a wonderful man last year and all is well with me. I give thanks to God for being there for me.

ADVICE TO MY FELLOW WOMEN

Married Women;
If you are going through some abuse in your marriage, don't keep quite. Talk to someone about it, there are so many organisations that help women. You might not be lucky to come out of it alive like me. And keep praying because God answers prayers.

Business Women;
I maybe selling second hand handbags but because of my discipline with money, I bought some land and I am building my first house.
Be committed to what you are doing. Just because your friends are buying cars or new clothes, it doesn't mean you have to do the same. And don't forget your God.

ASW; Thank you Ruth for sharing your story with me. I really appreciate. You are a strong and courageous woman. Continue doing great things and may God continue blessing you. Any last words?

RUTH; "Not everyone who laughs with you loves you".