That Awkward Moment..

So, I am dating again after a while. It is exciting and yet scary. I thought I should get back into the game and see what happens.

Anyway, I went on a date last Sunday but it was rather a very interesting date. We had agreed that we meet after Church and do something.  My "date" picked up a place for our meet-up and it was a wildlife reserve. I checked it out and it looked very nice with a variety of animals. Anyway, he got there before I did and when I was finally there, we cued up to buy the tickets. When we reached the ticket desk to buy the ticket, the guy told me he already bought his and when the nice lady by the desk handed me the ticket, I looked at the guy and he still had his hands in his jacket pocket; "are you excepting me to pay?" I asked, and he said yes. Hahahahaha! I reached in my purse to get my credit card and a thought came to mind, if he picked a place and it is our first date, then he has to pay. So, I said I had no money and he finally paid. The first 30 min were so awkward that I had to make fun of the situation by saying; "If you are gonna tell your friends about today, make sure you mention that I am from Africa." We both laughed and the rest of the was good but still intense.

LESSON
In life, you will always come across some crazy situations or caught up in awkward moments. You can either pray for the ground to swallow you up or you can make fun out of it and move on. With time, its gonna be a wonderful experience to tell your kids. Life is simple, dont complicate it.

Love
Inonge

Hear What Oprah Winfrey Had To Say About Men

I recently came across a very interesting article and I decided to publish it on African Super Woman Facebook Page. While, the response from the ladies were amazing and I have decided to publish it on the blog too. The following message is from Oprah Winfrey

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for  man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or Spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you cant "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If yo feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You will be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything.., he will use it against you later.

You can not change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more eduction or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more and nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someones man. If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending....,Compromise is a two way street. You need time t heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage....Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary......not supplementary.

Dating is fun.....Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr Right. Make him miss you sometimes....When a man always know where you are, and you are always readily available to him.., he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never- co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful; Dr Phil says....You should know that; You are the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he will miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he is not the only one. They are all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make a right one. Ladies, take care of your own hearts.

By; Oprah Winfrey

The Single Life and YOU

First of all, I would like to state that I'm NOT a relationship expert. Though I think I should pursue a degree or doctorate in relationship, marriage counselling or something like that ;-) . Then I will be called "Dr Nono" (it is my nickname, a shortcut for Inonge.., like Anna is called Nana). I love writing about relationships and marriage. I remember writing an article about marriage five years ago when I was 23years old. The title was "To Love, Honour...Until Death Do Us Part". This article was published in our local Magazine "Beauty Zambia Magazine". I wasn't even in a relationship at a time I wrote it :-) .

I like to say, I Love LOVE! (hope that makes sense to you). In my teens, I loved to watch Cinderella, sleeping beauty etc and I had a bunch of self written love poems.

Anyway, today I wanna talk to my single ladies and gentlemen. First of all I would like to say that being single is not God's desire for you. I have scriptures to back this one up, (I am not being religious but its the fact) that's why He created Adam and Eve in the first place. If you have passed the marriage age (18yrs or 21yrs depending on which country you live in the world). And you are still not HITCHED, you don't have to worry about anything and you shouldn't get desperate. And the "age stated" shouldn't scare you, you can get married at any age, so long you are mature enough. What I mean is that, you can get married once you are emotionally and physically ready and that you are over 18years! not like that 62years old woman who married a 9years old boy in South Africa last year...(sickening event).

Its Valentine's Day! Be Creative, Make it Memorable.

Hello Lovers and Friends. Its February and we all know what this month is about....,LOVE! Love is in the air. Valentine's day is just around the corner. I know that lots of people are already feeling the pressure. It doesn't matter weather you are in a relationship or not, you are gonna feel the pressure a little bit. But if you are like me who don't believe in valentine's day, then that's a different story. (I believe everyday should be valentine's day).

Anyway, if you are in a relationship either a marriage relationship, a courtship relationship or whatever you are calling your relationship, you are gonna feel pressured with what to get for your partner. Getting a present for a partner on valentine's day is more difficult than getting them a Christmas present. And if you are single, I guess the pressure comes in when you start panicking and trying to find someone you are gonna kiss on that special day. Or you might be having a crush on someone and you are hoping they notice you before Valentine's day (14th February,2015...SATURDAY) .

I am not an expert on Love or romance or anything like that but I Love LOVE! lol! And everything that comes with it...,I mean the romance, the cosyness and just the whole feeling that engulf you when you are in love is fantastic. Am gonna give you a few personal tips on what you can do for your loved one this Valentine's day. I know that relationships are not perfect, you fight, you disagree on small matters, you stop talking to each other sometimes but once in a while...show some loving gestures for each other..and valentine's day is one of the special day that you wanna show your partner that you still care and love them. I know a few couples that only buy flowers for each other only on valentine's day.....yep!

Married or living together

For the Man; Gentlemen, women are very easy to impress. We are so easy that you will be amazed at the things that makes us go wild. For example, bring her some flowers and some chocolates. Then later in the evenings, take her out to a very nice restaurant for a candlelight dinner. I know maybe most of you do this more often but make it special by dressing up in your favourite suit or your tuxedo. Open the car for her, at the restaurant, pull the chair for her, remove her coat. While you wait for the food, hold her hand..,keep looking into her eyes while you talk to her. For once, switch off your phone and don't look at it the whole evening. Tell her how beautiful she looks, how much you love her..., we just love to hear you tell us all the nice things. After dinner, you can go dancing if you are a party people otherwise, take her home. If you have kids, arrange for a sleep over somewhere so that it can only be the two of you. Then play some slow jams from the 90's (if you grew up in the 90's like me) or pick your favourite love songs from your collection. Slow dance with her, make her feel like she is the only important thing to you in that very moment. Believe me, she will treat you like a king throughout the evening. And she will probably share the moment with all her close friends...so you better make it very memorable and worthy telling ;-) .

For the Woman; Ladies, this is our department..I mean we are naturally romantic. Personally, I am one of the few people I know who are hopelessly romantic...Oh YES I am LOL!. I already told you that I am in Love with Love. Well, if you are one of the 21st century DIVAS, you may wanna start off by going to the beauty parlour for a makeover. Do your nails, your hair, go to the dentist and do your teeth. do a wax in "all areas"..,yes ladies, maybe even a Brazilian wax will be good ;-) . This 2015 Valentine's day falls on a Saturday, a very good day to dump your kids at their grannies if you have kids. Then you wanna make sure you buy a very sexy french lingerie set. And a nice dress but please let it not be RED!Maybe a LBD (Little Black Dress) would be perfect. You can either take him out for dinner (and you pay for it, from the starter to dessert). Get him a perfume that he really likes or the one that you like. A shirt, some underwear would be ok too, but do something extra-ordinary. Spoil him a bit. Let him be your baby for the day, men like to be pampered too. 

WOMAN TO WOMAN.., RESPECT and HIM.

RESPECT. What it means to your man.

You are a young woman now and there is a suitor who has come to your doorstep for your hand in marriage...,its beautiful and everyone is excited and happy for you. Your mother or anyone you are staying with would organise some elder women in your community who would sit you down and teach you how to take care of your man, how to take care of your house and your body, how to take care of his relatives etc. Anyway, this is how it goes back home as far as i know..traditionally. Its beautiful and you get all the wisdom that will help you take care of your home and your marriage......but i am hear to talk about RESPECT for the man in your life be it your husband or your boyfriend.

While, we are taught to kneel down when representing food to your husband, don't talk much when he has company, call him "bashi Chanda" (Chanda's father) in the home especially when the in-laws are around etc (traditionally. and that's what i know...) though things are done differently in the modern days..But to me, respect is more than that. Actually respect to him means more than love.

I believe a man would rather feel respected than loved (this is what i believe, you have the right to put an argument with this i don't mind but this is my opinion). You may love your man with all that you have inside of you but if you don't respect him..that love to him means absolutely nothing. A man's ego is so different from us and make sure you don't break it and disrespecting him can easily do that.

So, what do i really mean by RESPECT for your man, while..., a man needs to feel that he is in charge..that he is the man in the relationship and this means you have to respect his opinions, when you argue, don't talk back to him as if you were talking to a kid otherwise that will bruise his ego. Don't argue with him in front of his friends or in public. If he feels that he needs space and he needs to be alone, respect that and give him that space (we all need it from time to time). Respect his ability to provide or do something. Don't belittle him or compare him to someone else. He may not be the perfect man (believe me, there is no perfect man in this world) but he is your man and respect him for being that man. So ladies, you may add on to this chapter everything that you think a man needs to feel respected. And if he feels the respect that he needs from you, he will move mountains in your favour ;-) .

The KEY to a happy and healthy relationship is, Love and RESPECT. Let Love and respect be present in your relationship.