I am not a psychologist or an expert. What I am going to write here is based on personal experience and I just want to share this with you. I know that there is someone somewhere reading this right now who is going through some sort of emotional pain and they need help.

Emotional pain is worse than physical pain and all of us have gone through this kind of pain in our lives in one way or the other. Maybe not worse than the next person but you have experienced it. Sometimes emotional pain is referred to as "Mental Pain". This is the kind of pain that is inside your soul, the kind of pain that makes your heart bleed without blood, the kind of pain that wants you to jump off the bridge and just say bye bye to the world, the kind of pain that just breaks you apart and you stop to exist. The kind of pain that locks you in a box and you don't want to come out.

This kind of pain is extremely dangerous because it makes you stop caring about anything, you stop caring about life and its meaning, you stop caring about your own existence. And the moment you stop caring about anything, its the moment your mind begins to wonder, it separates itself from reality and it drifts away in a very dangerous world and once you are in that world, you can do anything...and that includes suicide. Many people who commit suicide find themselves in that world and they get stuck in there unable to come out.

Unlike physical pain where you know what is wrong, maybe a toothache or a broken rib etc and you are able to fix it with a pain killer or operation. Emotional pain has no subscriptions..., there is no painkillers for it. And if you wanna get healed, you will have to start from within yourself and make a decision to heal. You may say that, its easy said than done, while, like I said, I have a share of emotional pains that almost drove me to to edge! And I am still vulnerable to emotional pain. To start with, I lost both my parents when I was less than 7 years, I grew up in  different homes, I had an elder sister whom I never saw in almost 7 years and when the time  was ready for us to reunite, she died before we got a chance to see each other again. I have lost aunties that I grew up with. I do not have a brother, a sister or parents, I have endured heartbreaks from "love" that ripped my heart open and felt like the whole world dropped dead on me. I have had disappointments and back bits from friends and some distant family yes, I know what I am talking about. My situations may seem lighter than yours but pain is pain, emotional pain is the same. The feeling is the same, and believe me, you are not the only one going through this. Just be thankful to God that you are still alive, and for as long as you have breath, you can do something about it.


We were created differently and we face or handle emotional pain differently too. Personally when I am faced with circumstances that breaks my heart, I cry. I am sure most women do, I can spend days and days in the house crying and when I am done, I will share whats going on with a friend whom  feel will comfort me and trust.

Other people paint their pain away. I have seen a number of paintings that were actually painted as a result of emotional pain and they turned out beautiful.

Other people sing away their pain, others write their pain away, others meditate, others run, others do yoga. Others cook, others do drugs and drink alcohol. Others gamble, others turn into prostitution, others kill or steal. I can say that some of the worlds crimes have been a result of some sort of emotional pain in the life of the "criminal".

We all try to find a way to escape from emotional pain by doing all sorts of things. But, I would say that escaping is never an option, avoiding the pain may lead to depression, resentment, hurt and the other kinds of negative emotional feelings.


Listen, I am very much aware that what you maybe going through is deeper than I can anyone can possibly imagine, but I have been in situations and faced some pain that I thought nobody has ever experienced anything like it before. Its extremely hard and no one knows exactly what you are going through, no one can feel that pain that you are feeling right now but you. People will feel pity for you, and they will offer there shoulders to cry on but they will never feel your pain and you have to embrace that in your heart and mind.

Firstly FORGIVE;

You have to forgive whoever has caused you this kind of pain. And if its an emotional pain that has been caused as a result of losing someone. Maybe someone you love dearly has died, you will need to forgive them for dying and leaving you alone. YES! this sounds insane but you have to, it isn't their fault that they are dead, its human nature. You will have to forgive them otherwise the pain will destroy you.

When my parents died I was really young, it didn't matter much to me because I didn't understand death then. But later in my teens, when I am upset because of something..,I used to blame my parents for dying so soon and leaving me alone. When crying, I used to use phrases like "mom, dad, why did you leave me alone to face this or that, why did you have to die so soon...etc" It was why and why and why..and when I start to cry and saying those words, the emotional pain would resurface and I would feel like it has just happened. It took me a while to forgive my parents and sister and to accept their death. And when I did that, I had peace in my heart and all I have now is a sweet memory of them and I treasure the short period I spent with them on earth.

Forgive that man, forgive that woman, your mom, your dad, that friend, your colleague, that stranger. Forgive them all. Some of them hurt you intentionally and others they didn't intend too, but the pain is the same, they still hurt you and that's why you need to forgive them.

Find the cause of your pain and try to forgive. Forgiveness is the first step to emotional healing. Its not going to be easy but you have to forgive. If Jesus forgave his prosecutors, so can you (I am religious ;-) ).
Then you will have to forgive yourself. Why is this important, you may ask? Well, when we face certain circumstances that leave our heart broken, we blame ourselves sometimes especially if its a heartbreak from a relationship. When someone we loved, trusted and gave our hearts to decides to hurt us and leave us broken, we normally feel rejected, lonely and in most cases we blame ourselves and we feel like we weren't good enough for them. So we have to stop thinking like that and forgive.


This one is the hardest especially for men. This is easy for women because talking to our girlfriends about anything comes naturally to us. You find comfort in sharing your pain with someone who may understand how you feel or someone whom you trust. Other people would even prefer a psychologist or a "shrink" as famously known. Talking really helps, the person you are telling may not help you in any way, but the fact that they are listening to you, holding your hand and lending their shoulder to cry on really helps. If you find someone that you trust enough to share it with, then you are lucky..,go to them and let it all out. Also be careful with whom you tell, other people may make the situation worse. Maybe unintentionally, they can tell someone what you are going through and when you find out, you may feel betrayed and that is to be avoided if you are trying to heal.
Personally,  I talk to God, I cry and ask God why...and then I ask Him what to do next. That helps because I feel better and then I go to one or two people that truly know me and I share with them. I just let it all out, it doesn't make the problem go away but I gain strength and courage to face the situation head on.

Thirdly, MOVE ON;

You have forgiven and you have talked about it (you have been counselled). Its now time to move on. yeah yeah..! its easy said than done..,,I know but what are you going to do about it? are you going to change what happened? No, I wish it was possible but its not. The most important thing is that you are still breathing and you are here reading this article! that shows you that there is HOPE!! I like what is written in the Bible, in the book of James 1 vs 2-5 (I said I was religious ;-) ) read it when you have time. Its not going to be easy but you have to find a way. Stay positive, start to think positive about the situation and start looking at things differently. The pain will eventually end and what you will remain with is a memory of it and it will also leave you stronger than you were.
HOW DO YOU TELL THAT THE PAIN IS GONE? by not getting upset every time you think of what happened. When you get to that point then you have conquered it and you have won!


Listen to this song Cant give Up now by Mary Mary, it will uplift you and encourage you.

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